Essay: This Abstract Thing We Call "Love"
Love. What is it, actually? Some define it as an expression that someone would display towards another individual that they have feelings for them, through actions that showcased their love to them. Others would have thought of something as simple as a feeling that would bring happiness to those who harbored it deep within their hearts. If you would ask me, what is love? I shall answer it as simple as possible. It is undefinable.
To me, personally. It’s a very abstract thing that many of us can’t simply describe what love actually is. We can’t put into words about how it felt, or why it happened. That’s why phrases such as “the flowery feelings” or “butterflies in your stomach” metaphors came to be. It can be felt, yes of course and it is an undeniable thing. But to describe it? Borderline impossible, I might say.
Now, when I talk about love, I’m talking about the one thing that held people together in a way through memories and acts of kindness. You get the gist of it. It is love that binds these relationships together, like an unbreakable chain that holds them in place – a chain that would only strengthen through acts that showcase that feeling of love and a chain that rusts away through acts of pride and distrust.
It is perhaps an easy thing to declare one’s love to others. Saying those three words is easy enough as eating an apple. But words would remain empty, robbed of its meaning when someone simply said “I love you” without actually showing signs of it. Promises would be broken, hearts would shatter if one does not show or act as they were infatuated by this feeling that grew within their hearts.
Well, what I’m trying to say is, your words would be hollow and devoid of its meaning if you do not show that you care about the ones you love. Like an empty promise, words would be nothing else but what they are – words. “Actions speak louder than words,” as they say. Show to your loved ones that you cared for them, that you are concerned about their state of mind, that you wish the best for them. Support them in their pursuits in life, give them encouragement when they are feeling down. After all, being in love doesn’t mean that you have someone with you to spend the rest of your life with. That is however, a small fraction of what makes love an intriguing topic to discuss.
Look to your spouses, look to your partners. Have you ever wondered why they fell in love with you? To me, the phrase “Love at first sight,” is ridiculous because it would only mean that people began to show signs of affection purely based on their physical appearance. While the saying “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,” stays true throughout the ages, one’s look does not fully determine whether or not that you are actually loving someone to your heart’s content. Do you love them because you think that they are beautiful or handsome? Perhaps, it is good to ask yourself that question.
Your partners didn’t fell in love with you just because you bought her flowers and wished a “Happy Valentine’s Day,”. She didn’t fell in love with you because you’ve bought a gift that is the worth of a car on her birthday. She didn’t fell in love with you because you bought her a necklace. To me, personally, those things would only last in the short term. Occasional outburst of love helped strengthen the relationship and gave it a boost, you’d say. But in the long term however, it’s the insignificant things that matter the most. Give her a ring, sure, go ahead and grant her a gold one that’s worth your entire monthly salary. But it’s not the reason why she loved you (if she did, well she’s a gold digger, I’m afraid). She loved you because you sat down with her and listened to her problems at work, she fell in love with you because you gave her your coat whenever she shivered in the cold winds, she loved you because you accompanied her in her journey to work. She loved you because you showed the signs that you cared for her, that she meant something for you.
One day, we wake up from our 8 hour long slumber and snapped our fingers, realizing that we loved that person not because of the things that we’ve received. Not because of the physical gifts that they gave us. But because of the least significant acts that strengthened our feelings throughout our time with her. As Simon Sinek says, “It’s not about the events, it’s not about the intensity. It’s about consistency,”. That’s why our grandparents have been with each other for a long time, going through silver and golden anniversaries that marked the years of their long relationship. It’s because they cared for each other, they protect what they have.
And thus, it bothers me to see people breaking down in sadness. To see them shed tears for the ones they have lost, to have their hearts broken by someone else who cared little for them. Like a cold spear drove through their souls, the pain of losing a loved one is far more terrible than having to go through physical pain. It’s as if someone else had robbed everything that meant the world to you and replaced it with something inferior. One thing that is for sure, is that the pain that one goes through emotionally is far more exhausting than simply being tired.
I can just sleep, sit down and relax, or pick up a few snacks while I’m watching the television if I’m just “tired”. But I can’t do the same thing whenever I’m sad, or going through the harshest moments in my life without having someone to let my feelings out. To unleash whatever things that I have been keeping within me, to express my frustration, my anger, sadness or despair.
In short, I can’t do it all without having a shoulder to cry upon.
Men, women, boys and girls. We’re all the same. We may look strong on the outside, may be able to lift things a dozen times heavier than our own weight or to sprint across hundreds of meters in a single breath. But deep within us lies a heart, a fragile and a breakable heart. Because of this apparent fragility that is present in every single one of us, that we became cautious after our hearts have been shattered by an event that most of us wished not to remember. We became fearful, not wanting to accept others. We pushed aside those that tried to help, constantly telling ourselves that “I am better this way,”. Is that true, though? Are those words hold any semblance of truth? Partially, perhaps.
Yet, we yearned for the love from others. We longed for the affection given by the people who are close to us. No matter how many years you have told yourself that you’re better off living without someone to love, in the end you will search for it. It’s inevitable that you would have feelings for another person, even if you are in denial for years or months – telling yourself that you do not deserve the things that other people had. For the emotion of love itself cannot be refused by a simple act. It is impossible of doing so.
If love is a switch that can be easily toggled, then those who desired not to have affection for others may easily flip it off. But unfortunately enough, it’s not. Everyone here struggled with it at some point in their lives, constantly hiding themselves away from the truth that looms over them like a shadow. You can tell yourself that you have no place in this intricate game of love for many years without end. Yet, you’ll find the person that would put the shattered pieces of your heart back together again, no matter how many times you’ve built a wall to protect yourself. Someone will break it down. That someone will make your life better.
Those who have shown the effort to put yourself back together should be commended for their acts. They are the ones who brought colors in your monotonous view of the world, they are the ones who think of you as someone that meant the whole world to them. Even if you think that you’re not as good as the athletic guy next door, or as handsome as the princes once told in the stories of might and glory, or simply, you didn’t think that you’re good enough to deserve such a thing. Know this, that someone else think of you in a different way.
After all, not everyone picked the same flower.
Their eyes saw something different within you. To them, you are that handsome knight, you are that charming prince and you are the world to them. Cherish the moments you’ve shared with them, do not break their hearts like the ones that broke yours before. They’ve tried so hard to be a part of your life, to be in the journey that you have chosen to begin. Well, what are you waiting for then? Take their hands and walk alongside until the end of your journey.
The three words are an oath, in my opinion. Say it, and you are oath-bound to protect the one you’ve loved with everything you had. To have something to protect, to give and to nurture, is what love really is. It’s empowering, it’s beautiful. But it’s like roses where it’s not without its thorns – not without its painful moments. Yet, to go through the ups and downs together is the most beautiful thing that one could ask for.
That is what love truly is.
To me, personally. It’s a very abstract thing that many of us can’t simply describe what love actually is. We can’t put into words about how it felt, or why it happened. That’s why phrases such as “the flowery feelings” or “butterflies in your stomach” metaphors came to be. It can be felt, yes of course and it is an undeniable thing. But to describe it? Borderline impossible, I might say.
Now, when I talk about love, I’m talking about the one thing that held people together in a way through memories and acts of kindness. You get the gist of it. It is love that binds these relationships together, like an unbreakable chain that holds them in place – a chain that would only strengthen through acts that showcase that feeling of love and a chain that rusts away through acts of pride and distrust.
It is perhaps an easy thing to declare one’s love to others. Saying those three words is easy enough as eating an apple. But words would remain empty, robbed of its meaning when someone simply said “I love you” without actually showing signs of it. Promises would be broken, hearts would shatter if one does not show or act as they were infatuated by this feeling that grew within their hearts.
Well, what I’m trying to say is, your words would be hollow and devoid of its meaning if you do not show that you care about the ones you love. Like an empty promise, words would be nothing else but what they are – words. “Actions speak louder than words,” as they say. Show to your loved ones that you cared for them, that you are concerned about their state of mind, that you wish the best for them. Support them in their pursuits in life, give them encouragement when they are feeling down. After all, being in love doesn’t mean that you have someone with you to spend the rest of your life with. That is however, a small fraction of what makes love an intriguing topic to discuss.
Look to your spouses, look to your partners. Have you ever wondered why they fell in love with you? To me, the phrase “Love at first sight,” is ridiculous because it would only mean that people began to show signs of affection purely based on their physical appearance. While the saying “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,” stays true throughout the ages, one’s look does not fully determine whether or not that you are actually loving someone to your heart’s content. Do you love them because you think that they are beautiful or handsome? Perhaps, it is good to ask yourself that question.
Your partners didn’t fell in love with you just because you bought her flowers and wished a “Happy Valentine’s Day,”. She didn’t fell in love with you because you’ve bought a gift that is the worth of a car on her birthday. She didn’t fell in love with you because you bought her a necklace. To me, personally, those things would only last in the short term. Occasional outburst of love helped strengthen the relationship and gave it a boost, you’d say. But in the long term however, it’s the insignificant things that matter the most. Give her a ring, sure, go ahead and grant her a gold one that’s worth your entire monthly salary. But it’s not the reason why she loved you (if she did, well she’s a gold digger, I’m afraid). She loved you because you sat down with her and listened to her problems at work, she fell in love with you because you gave her your coat whenever she shivered in the cold winds, she loved you because you accompanied her in her journey to work. She loved you because you showed the signs that you cared for her, that she meant something for you.
One day, we wake up from our 8 hour long slumber and snapped our fingers, realizing that we loved that person not because of the things that we’ve received. Not because of the physical gifts that they gave us. But because of the least significant acts that strengthened our feelings throughout our time with her. As Simon Sinek says, “It’s not about the events, it’s not about the intensity. It’s about consistency,”. That’s why our grandparents have been with each other for a long time, going through silver and golden anniversaries that marked the years of their long relationship. It’s because they cared for each other, they protect what they have.
And thus, it bothers me to see people breaking down in sadness. To see them shed tears for the ones they have lost, to have their hearts broken by someone else who cared little for them. Like a cold spear drove through their souls, the pain of losing a loved one is far more terrible than having to go through physical pain. It’s as if someone else had robbed everything that meant the world to you and replaced it with something inferior. One thing that is for sure, is that the pain that one goes through emotionally is far more exhausting than simply being tired.
I can just sleep, sit down and relax, or pick up a few snacks while I’m watching the television if I’m just “tired”. But I can’t do the same thing whenever I’m sad, or going through the harshest moments in my life without having someone to let my feelings out. To unleash whatever things that I have been keeping within me, to express my frustration, my anger, sadness or despair.
In short, I can’t do it all without having a shoulder to cry upon.
Men, women, boys and girls. We’re all the same. We may look strong on the outside, may be able to lift things a dozen times heavier than our own weight or to sprint across hundreds of meters in a single breath. But deep within us lies a heart, a fragile and a breakable heart. Because of this apparent fragility that is present in every single one of us, that we became cautious after our hearts have been shattered by an event that most of us wished not to remember. We became fearful, not wanting to accept others. We pushed aside those that tried to help, constantly telling ourselves that “I am better this way,”. Is that true, though? Are those words hold any semblance of truth? Partially, perhaps.
Yet, we yearned for the love from others. We longed for the affection given by the people who are close to us. No matter how many years you have told yourself that you’re better off living without someone to love, in the end you will search for it. It’s inevitable that you would have feelings for another person, even if you are in denial for years or months – telling yourself that you do not deserve the things that other people had. For the emotion of love itself cannot be refused by a simple act. It is impossible of doing so.
If love is a switch that can be easily toggled, then those who desired not to have affection for others may easily flip it off. But unfortunately enough, it’s not. Everyone here struggled with it at some point in their lives, constantly hiding themselves away from the truth that looms over them like a shadow. You can tell yourself that you have no place in this intricate game of love for many years without end. Yet, you’ll find the person that would put the shattered pieces of your heart back together again, no matter how many times you’ve built a wall to protect yourself. Someone will break it down. That someone will make your life better.
Those who have shown the effort to put yourself back together should be commended for their acts. They are the ones who brought colors in your monotonous view of the world, they are the ones who think of you as someone that meant the whole world to them. Even if you think that you’re not as good as the athletic guy next door, or as handsome as the princes once told in the stories of might and glory, or simply, you didn’t think that you’re good enough to deserve such a thing. Know this, that someone else think of you in a different way.
After all, not everyone picked the same flower.
Their eyes saw something different within you. To them, you are that handsome knight, you are that charming prince and you are the world to them. Cherish the moments you’ve shared with them, do not break their hearts like the ones that broke yours before. They’ve tried so hard to be a part of your life, to be in the journey that you have chosen to begin. Well, what are you waiting for then? Take their hands and walk alongside until the end of your journey.
The three words are an oath, in my opinion. Say it, and you are oath-bound to protect the one you’ve loved with everything you had. To have something to protect, to give and to nurture, is what love really is. It’s empowering, it’s beautiful. But it’s like roses where it’s not without its thorns – not without its painful moments. Yet, to go through the ups and downs together is the most beautiful thing that one could ask for.
That is what love truly is.
***
So this is the unedited 9-paged draft that was supposed to be a "script" for a public speaking contest held in 27th of August 2019. I soon realized that it suits better as a extended essay rather than a full-blown "script". The teacher had to cut down many paragraphs in order to maximise the given time limit and thus, I would use that version instead. Nevertheless, have a read of the initial version.
This is a good read! I strongly agree on your opinion towards love. It's hard describe it simply, it's an emotion that everyone will experience, everyone will fight and sometimes to die for. People went to war because of their love with their country, people became desperate because of love, people become biased because of love. In any given relationship, no one wants to be cared less and to be loved less. But, everyone has their own versions of "love". Some may see being cold but caring is love, some may see being overly clingy as love, and some may see giving attention is love. That's why people try to generalize it and categorize loves into different types. But, generalizing it is inaccurate in my opinion as love is like what you said; undefinable.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of my ramble, this is a good essay. You can really be an author if you wanted to and I support it!